To The Voice In My Head

To The Voice In My Head

I hate you!
That alone should be enough. But knowing you, it never is.

I can already hear you starting up with a Why.
Because you can never just accept things.

And I give in.
Not because I’m weak, but because I want you to understand.

At first I took you for a friend. You were there when no one else stayed.
You gave me comfort, ideas, normalcy.
You listened to me, you understood me.
Sometimes you were even my voice, when I had none of my own.

But since we … since I have been sitting in this cell, something has shifted.
You’re no longer my support. You’re the hole beneath me.
You no longer whisper hope, you whisper escape.

You push me toward the weapon and call it freedom. I call it desperation. Surrender.

I don’t know when we lost each other.
Maybe you were never on my side.
Maybe I was just too proud to see it.

But I hear you differently now. Not like a friend.
Like a sickness spoiling my thoughts.

And me? I want to live. Not for you. Not against you. Just without you.

I’m not going to listen anymore.
You’re going to grow quiet.
And you’re going to be the one who’s forgotten.

You call me a nothing — yet you are the one who’s lost all worth.

I’m done with you.

Claire